Home Is Not Always What You Expect

Home Is Not Always What You Expect

As a military family, how do we keep our memories of "home" alive for our children.  How to do it when time and space separates us.

When I left home and the city that I loved, my life was about working full time, spending time with my family and friends.  I was single, making great money, lived in the same town for 34 years and didn't have any children to worry about.  Now, my life is completely different.  I'm now a stay at home mom, two young children, military spouse, move every two years and am solely focused on my family, not me.

The reality is my home is different now and I'm not sure I fit in.  I've moved on, I left them.  But I want my kids to have grandparents that bake cookies and have sleepovers.  I want my mom to cook with my daughter.  I want to my son play catch with my dad, like I did.  Sometimes I resent this life because I'm apart from my family, my mom, dad, aunts, uncles and cousins.  I want my children to have what I had.  Christmas's with family, grandparents on Sunday,  family birthday parties, an audience at softball practice and an entire row of fans (all with my last name) at my tennis match.

As a military family, my kids don't have that. Yes, yes, they have a military family.  It's not the same.  It makes me sad because I have rely on strangers. I know, the military family is amazing in so many ways. but it's not what I had growing up.  It's not what I expected for my kids.

I left home almost a decade ago.  When I visit, there's no landing spot for us.  I just don't visit just by myself anymore, I travel with three other people.  We bring a lot to the party.  My parents have downsized, so there isn't room for us to stay. I'm against a hotel because I want to be HOME, not visiting.

When they come to my home, where that may be,  I realize things have changed,  They look different than before.  They move different and like new things.  They have new friends and their life looks different from when I lived there last.  It can be unnerving at times to see how time and space have changed us.

The reality is that I can't have it both ways.  I can't live as military family with all it's amazing perks and experiences and have grandparents who live down the street for my children to bake cookies and have sleepovers.  I had to choose and I did - my military life.  I made a choice to move on, they didn't choose for me to leave.

I miss my parents, my hometown and family very much.  It's not homesickness, it's more of a longing for a memory of home.  I've finally grown up and understand that life can not be planned, but it has to be lived.

Something my mother told me just before I married my husband.   My mom is Catholic and prays for her family all the time.  She told me something that was a life lesson for me.

"I prayed every day that God would give you a wonderful man, a partner, a best friend to take care of you and for you take care of him.  I prayed every day that he would deliver you the happiness and joy of a family you deserved.   And He answered my prayers.   He gave you exactly what I asked Him to,  but I never expected Him to take you away from me inorder to answer my prays."

I still get choked up when I think about her words.  It has so much meaning.  You can have all the happiness in life, but it may look and feel different than what you expected.

And that is what I have to teach my children while we live this military life.  Happiness doesn't come in package we expect, it comes in the package we never expected.

I will fight harder to incorporate my parents into my children's lives with Skype, letters, emails and pictures.  I may not have sleepovers or dinner on Sundays with them, but we'll have GRAND visits and exciting adventures when they are here.  I will fill their heads with stories of my childhood and embellish most of it so my childhood seems bigger than life.  I will connect them together.  I will connect me with them, even if it's not what I expected - but nonetheless, it will make us happy.