Children Learn What They Live

“Children Learn What They Live”

by Dorothy Law Nolte 

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with jealousy, they learn to feelenvy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.


 If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

How Will I Say Goodbye to My Four-Year Old's BFF

Thinking about how my kids are going to handle the upcoming move in June. Heck, how am I going to handle it. I've made some amazing friends that I most likely won't see again. Living on base brings out the best in a community.

My daughter has her BFF next door. I will miss the two of them playing dress up for hours upon end. I will miss the slam of the screen door followed by "Mom, Amelia is here!" then followed by little feet racing straight to the doll house to discover yet another adventure in make believe.

A little research on moving....
http://apps.militaryonesource.mil/MOS/f?p=MYOM:ES1:0::::SID,CID:31.100.60.500.30.0.0.0.0,31.100.60.500.30.500.60.0.0

Home Is Not Always What You Expect

Home Is Not Always What You Expect

As a military family, how do we keep our memories of "home" alive for our children.  How to do it when time and space separates us.

When I left home and the city that I loved, my life was about working full time, spending time with my family and friends.  I was single, making great money, lived in the same town for 34 years and didn't have any children to worry about.  Now, my life is completely different.  I'm now a stay at home mom, two young children, military spouse, move every two years and am solely focused on my family, not me.

The reality is my home is different now and I'm not sure I fit in.  I've moved on, I left them.  But I want my kids to have grandparents that bake cookies and have sleepovers.  I want my mom to cook with my daughter.  I want to my son play catch with my dad, like I did.  Sometimes I resent this life because I'm apart from my family, my mom, dad, aunts, uncles and cousins.  I want my children to have what I had.  Christmas's with family, grandparents on Sunday,  family birthday parties, an audience at softball practice and an entire row of fans (all with my last name) at my tennis match.

As a military family, my kids don't have that. Yes, yes, they have a military family.  It's not the same.  It makes me sad because I have rely on strangers. I know, the military family is amazing in so many ways. but it's not what I had growing up.  It's not what I expected for my kids.

I left home almost a decade ago.  When I visit, there's no landing spot for us.  I just don't visit just by myself anymore, I travel with three other people.  We bring a lot to the party.  My parents have downsized, so there isn't room for us to stay. I'm against a hotel because I want to be HOME, not visiting.

When they come to my home, where that may be,  I realize things have changed,  They look different than before.  They move different and like new things.  They have new friends and their life looks different from when I lived there last.  It can be unnerving at times to see how time and space have changed us.

The reality is that I can't have it both ways.  I can't live as military family with all it's amazing perks and experiences and have grandparents who live down the street for my children to bake cookies and have sleepovers.  I had to choose and I did - my military life.  I made a choice to move on, they didn't choose for me to leave.

I miss my parents, my hometown and family very much.  It's not homesickness, it's more of a longing for a memory of home.  I've finally grown up and understand that life can not be planned, but it has to be lived.

Something my mother told me just before I married my husband.   My mom is Catholic and prays for her family all the time.  She told me something that was a life lesson for me.

"I prayed every day that God would give you a wonderful man, a partner, a best friend to take care of you and for you take care of him.  I prayed every day that he would deliver you the happiness and joy of a family you deserved.   And He answered my prayers.   He gave you exactly what I asked Him to,  but I never expected Him to take you away from me inorder to answer my prays."

I still get choked up when I think about her words.  It has so much meaning.  You can have all the happiness in life, but it may look and feel different than what you expected.

And that is what I have to teach my children while we live this military life.  Happiness doesn't come in package we expect, it comes in the package we never expected.

I will fight harder to incorporate my parents into my children's lives with Skype, letters, emails and pictures.  I may not have sleepovers or dinner on Sundays with them, but we'll have GRAND visits and exciting adventures when they are here.  I will fill their heads with stories of my childhood and embellish most of it so my childhood seems bigger than life.  I will connect them together.  I will connect me with them, even if it's not what I expected - but nonetheless, it will make us happy.

Love this for 2013 resolution for parenting

1. Play. Through playing with our kids we build relationships while learning what excites and motivates them. Play develops the senses of imagination, curiosity and problem-solving. Encourage your kids to be inquisitive and ask questions. They should wonder about the world, how things work and how they are or were created. Encouraging exploration will help kids find passion and purpose.
2. Listen. Through active listening we allow a child to deal with their feelings. The best way to disengage a child is to lecture them. Remember it’s not about you, it’s about them. When children have a platform for expressing themselves they will develop confidence, autonomy and strengthen the parent/child relationship.
3. Enrich. Help your child develop practical life skills. The primary objective of our education system is simply to transfer knowledge. We need more than good memorizers and test-takers but rather kids who can communicate, make connections and are willing to take risks without fear of failure. 
4. Relax. Get your family to slow down, put life into perspective and prioritize what’s important. Stressed brains do not learn the same as the relaxed brain. Value and support each other’s uniqueness. People will be most creative when motivated by interest, not external pressures.
5. Smile. Happiness is contagious. Setbacks will occur but how we respond is a model for our children. Remember that problems are temporary and changeable. Positive emotions increase learning, creativity and problem-solving. 

We LOVE research and data!  There is nothing worse than hearing someone's opinion about being a military family.  I'm  a data girl.  I found the best scholarly article about military families that is solely based on facts, research and data.  LOVE!

ftp://ftp.ict.usc.edu/arizzo/IOM/AmerPsychologist%20Jan2011/10%20amp_66_1_65.pdf%5B1%5D.pdf